The subject I am going to discuss today is quite a delicate one and I don’t think I will be able to really say what I want to say without offending people, so I think I will just be straight and blunt about it and not even try to be subtle…
What happened is that I read this article in Dutch newspaper the Volkskrant, written by a guy called Anton de Wit, about single women who wish to have a child via IVF. The article I read was a reaction to an opinion piece that came out in a feminist magazine called Opzij. The writers of this piece in Opzij were upset about the fact that half of all hospitals in the Netherlands refused women for IVF who were not in a steady relationship.
Some of these hospitals decline requests from single women on the basis that they do not have a sperm bank on site and not merely because the wannabe mother does not have a partner. According to some feminist groups these rules are preposterous and discriminatory. A woman is made for motherhood and anyone who stands in the way of this wish is a bully.
As Anton de Wit sarcastically sums up: “Why shouldn’t [a single woman] be allowed to be artificially inseminated? What if she can’t wait for Mr Right any longer or keeps on hooking up with douchebags that aren’t man enough to take on the responsible task of being father? Isn’t procreation a human right (…)?” and then adds: “Reproduction has, in the biological essence, always been a thing between two people, a man and a woman. Sure, thanks to scientific progress and shifting social conventions we have been able to reduce the first to merely a sperm donor.”
It’s a pity, in my opinion, that the feminist point of view was defended by a (single?) woman and the article in the Volkskrant was written by a man, which turned it into a “man vs women” thing for people looking for an easy point to score. You could easily turn it into a “Oh, that’s just typical; a man trying to take away a woman’s rights to be independent”-thing, all though that’s not the point at all. Because, as Anton very sharply adds:
“But when the conception has succeeded another individual appears with its very own rights, that we can not push aside so lightly – namely the child. (…) Does a grown up’s wish to have a child have more ground than a child’s wish to have parents?”
I, as a woman, must say I totally agree with Anton here. And even more so, it stirs up the devil’s advocate in me that wants to say:
If you can’t find a partner that wants a child with you, you weren’t meant to procreate! It’s anti-evolutionary. You are messing with the universe’s (or Darwin or God or whatever) plan…..
And to those whose feelings I just hurt: I’m sorry. I don’t enjoy seeing you sad, but it is truly what I believe…
Epiphany 
“What if she can’t wait for Mr Right any longer or keeps on hooking up with douchebags that aren’t man enough to take on the responsible task of being father?”
I actually find that offensive.
Why is it douche or not manly to not want kids? Are men not allowed to say they’re not into having kids and don’t want to be a father?
What kind of ass backwards thinking is that?
“If you can’t find a partner that wants a child with you, you weren’t meant to procreate! It’s anti-evolutionary. You are messing with the universe’s (or Darwin or God or whatever) plan…..”
Why not? There are plenty of children to adopt. Maybe someone doesn’t want to go through child birth or risk their health giving birth?
Single women are capable of raising children. I don’t know the statistics behind whether they do as good a job as couples though.
Hey there. Thanks for your comment.
Too bad you didn’t include the sentence saying that the part about Mr Right and guys being douchebags was sarcastic.
The quote you responded too does NOT reflect my opinion but is a reflection of what one of these single wannabe mothers might think…. sarcastically speaking….
You see, I totally agree with you that men are allowed to not want kids. They are even allowed to want kids but just not with that particular woman. It’s exactly my point!
And as far as the adoption solution goes: I also agree! That’s not procreating though….
And the women I am talking about here are actually planning on getting very much pregnant and are totally into giving birth, so that part is also not really valid, I’m afraid….
Keep those comments coming though. There’s always room for discussion!
In my experience, people who can’t form stable, long-term commitments/relationships with other people probably aren’t going to be very good at providing the same for a child. Raising a child is tremendous amount of work, which is why humans everywhere have families of one sort or another.
Still, it seems like an issue that would be best decided on a case-by-case basis. I’ve met plenty of married people whom I don’t think are stable enough to raise children, and single people who probably are.
Totally agree. A thorough screening, psychologically, financially, etc should be in place and not only available to couples.
I think it does work that way here already, even though the single parents have less hospitals to choose from.