I’m new

On day two of the lyrics challenge, I might as well name the Rules that go with the Three day Lyric challenge:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
    I actually wasn’t nominated, but felt free to invite myself to the party, as from Sparks from a Combustible Mind kind of gave me permission to.
  2. Share one of your favorite song/lyrics one at a time for three days.
    On day two I will be sharing Stevie Wonder’s song “I’m new”, which should be a mandatory addition to everyone’s lives.
    Yesterday I wrote about the lyrics of two songs, which (imo) could be seen as two sides of the same story.
    Tomorrow’s post will be about Silence, pero en español.
  3. Nominate three other bloggers each day.
    I will follow in Melanie’s footsteps and skip this rule, partially because I don’t really have a following and partially because I think it’s nicer this way (because it paved the way for me to join in).

So have a listen if you don’t know this Stevie Wonder song already and let the lyrics quench your soul’s thirst like a big glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

 

Try to envision you as the oldest living someone, being every night and day all alone
Going through ages and ages, places and spaces with never finding that someone to call your own.
Like a treasure chest of dreams long forgotten, hidden for good in a stolen lost and found
But just when fate was calling quits, love appeared in the midst of despair, came and turned your life around
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I’m new.
New like the first day of spring
New like a nightingale that’s just learned to sing
I’m new, new like the very start of dawn
Like a child that’s first born with your love.
I’m new.
You’re standing among a crowd of six billion people, crying out for help, but no one understands
‘Cause much to your dismay, you’ve been taken far away to a land where joy is pain and sorrow’s a happy man
Where an aching heart’s the sign of the mighty and a love-filled heart looks down upon with fault and shame
But at the very instant all was through, lady luck appears, says “love can do” and changed you like a Christian who’s been born again
I’m new.dove-fly-gif-jpg
New like the fresh morning dew
New like a work of art that’s finally through
I’m new, new like a first flight of a dove
So safe and secure with your love.
I’m new.
Love took a long time coming to me
But I’ve gotta say I owe my thanks to him for sending you my way.
‘Cause I’m new.
New, like the first winter snow.
Like the start of forever, with infinity to go .
I’m new.heart stripes
New, like the birth of the sun
Forever young I will be, ’cause with your love;
I’m new
New, like from a restful night of sleep
New like a starving man that’s had food to eat
I’m new, nothing compares nor can compete
Sharing with you the sweetness of your love,
I’m new.
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Songs linked to people

A blogpost I came across through WP’s “Discover” section posted on the Village Voice explored the realm of nostalgic songs that stop you in your tracks and catch you off guard with the wave of emotions they can unexpectedly summon.

All though the mentioned blogpost referred specifically to songs that brought up memories of deceased loved ones, the people I refer to in this post are (luckily) all still with me.

Forever tied to my first boyfriend: Last request

lyrics last requestA song that came out in the year I broke up with my very first boyfriend was Paolo Nutini’s Last request. It wasn’t a song or an artist I ever listened to with him or that I think he would enjoy in any way, but for me it’s the absolute summary of how that breakup went.

 

Forever tied to my brother: Speechless

I remember being drawn to tears once when my playlist threw Lady Gaga’s “Speechless” at me while I was cycling to work.Lyrics Speechless

I remember being confused by the sudden rush of emotions and my incapability to stop the tears from rolling down my face. I remember feeling stupid and being annoyed by the blotches my sadness was inevitably decorating my appearance with. I actually don’t remember if anybody noticed though, or if I did anything upon arrival to get my face back to normal…

A lot has happened in the life of my brother since that one day. He is still not completely out of the woods but both him and I have learned a lot since then. He has moved away from that most dangerous ledge he was balancing on and I have learned to love him in a way that is good and healthy for me as well.

Forever tied to my father: Tell her you belong to me

This bitter memory that Beth Hart describes so heartwrenchingly in “Tell her you belong to me” doesn’t apply to me in the same way as it does to her, but it still moves me deeply when I hear this song.

lyrics tell her

The first time I heard it was when she sung it live on a Dutch breakfast radio show and explained that what she describes in this song is the hurt she felt when her father got remarried to a woman Beth could not get along with. The pain she felt when her dad didn’t seem to be choosing her side is so evident and true that I can’t imagine it would leave anybody indifferent.

In my case, the above situation also took place, but with me as a witness and not so much on the receiving end of it all. For me, this song is a conversation that ( I think) never took place between my father and his son(s), but probably should have.

Forever tied to my boyfriend: Fanfarra

My boyfriend is the type of guy that holds his heart on his sleeve and can literally sob over things of beauty. I love this about him and sometimes wish I could be as open as he is.

One of the first times I witnessed such an explosion of emotion in him, was when we were driving through France and Sergio Mendes’ CD was put on.

I was driving so I couldn’t see his face, but through all of the drums and joyous singing I noticed a deafening silence coming from beside me… And when I looked over at him that’s when I saw them; tears. Lots of them.

I remember him saying he hadn’t heard that song before (it’s the opening track on Sergio Mendes’ album Brasileiro) and that it caught him off guard. He’s a percussion player himself, so the drums in the beginning obviously gave him the chills followed up by the joyous singing… I get it. On a rational level.

So yes, this song is forever tied to the tender soul of my bf, G-man.

What are the soundtracks to the story of your life?

 

Prompt me

My blog and I are good friends.  Lately though, I’ve been behaving like the kind of friend that only shows up when life is shitty and I need a shoulder to cry on. I’m the type of friend that takes energy and gives little back. I’m not being a good friend to my blog-buddy and I apologize.

bad friend

Blogtober was too intense. Showing up because I have to is not how I want this to go. I want to want to be here. And I know I want to be here more often than I currently am, and maybe that starts with forcing myself to show up, at first(?). Inspiration is so hard to plan though….

And Daily Prompts aren’t inspiring me, either! I mean… Just one word? Why not set the scene a bit, like they you used to?

And what happened to the weekly Discover challenges?? I liked those!

Read Write Live‘s blog did inspire me though, especially when she (or he?? I don’t really know) asked her readers what she should write about. I’d like to be able to do that. The problem is that I don’t really have readers. I’m not even insulted. It is the way it is. I never really set out to have a following anyway, but for this specific experiment it would be nice…

But perhaps there is still a way to follow the same train of thought, but with just me, myself and I (and the handful of people that stumble upon my little corner of the interwebz).

How about writing what I want to read? And how about I base this on things I actually did read, like the blog I just mentioned? Instead of using the boring, standardized and uninspiring one-word-“you figure it out” Daily Prompts, I could pick a word or sentence from a fellow bloggers post and build on that… I’m sure they wouldn’t mind, right?

Yes, that’s what I will do. Now is the start, and it sounds like: Ladidada dada!

 

Three historic dinners

Who in history would you dine with?

This question was asked (and answered) in last week’s post on “Why evolution is true”-blog.

I started coming up with a couple of names, but got lost in semantics at some point. I mean, I think most people would answer that question by naming interesting characters they would like to have a chat with… right?

But the question is “who would you dine with?”

So then I ask myself, are there people with whom the specific setting of a dinner table would make the meeting more worthwhile? I suppose that would be the case with someone from the culinary world. But then again, I don’t care much for cooking myself, so I wouldn’t know what to ask a top chef or dietary guru anyway…

So then I turned it around: Are there people I would love to have a chat with, but would prefer not to do so over dinner?

And I guess there the answer would be yes.

gandhi eating

Take Mahatma Ghandi for example. I can imagine meeting him would be amazingly inspiring. Life changing maybe. But the guy hardly ate at all, and if the food is tasty and plentiful (like Indian food can be) I tend to eat like an absolute pig. The food would just make me look like a shitty individual and make me feel so self-conscious that any chances I had of saying something smart would’ve evaporated in seconds. Just like the food placed in front of me.

Or what about Stephen Hawking; super duper interesting guy, who I’d be super honored to meet. But over dinner?? I think I might have to pass on that one… Or actually no, I think he would have to.

And then there’s Donald Trump and his off putting dietary preferences. But I’m actually not really worried about this one, because I would never really consider putting his name on my dinner invitation…

I asked my boyfriend just now who he would invite and he actually didn’t have to think very long. His answers: Aleister Crowley, Copernicus and Michelangelo. He didn’t mind not speaking their exact languages and was sure he would find a way… He’s so much braver in these things than I am. 😛

So, I’ve probably given this way too much thought, but here goes:

 

Mary Magdalene

I was named after the very first woman, according to most mainstream Christian sources, Eve. A lot of women came and went after that but none has been so controversial as Mary Magdalene. I am not a religious person myself, but I do believe that many of the events described in the bible and other holy scriptures are based on true events and historical figures.

mystery-images-0-ivanov-38_1008_post_media_1VKB-998x734

I can imagine a visionary man named Jesus of Nazareth walked this earth at some point and I can imagine he did not stay single. I can imagine Mary Magdalene was his spouse and I can imagine that she was demonized after Jesus’ death for all sorts of reasons, earning her the title of “prostitute” in many tellings.

I would love to hear her side of the story. Break some bread, drink some wine, you know how it goes…

 

Sylvana Simons

Another demonized woman. I have written about Ms Simons and her tragic position in Dutch society in previous blogs. Cruel jokes and racist remarks are still part of her daily life, proving her point that Dutch society has something rotten at its core but not really getting her anywhere close to fixing it.

sylvanabuitenhof

She still fascinates me. Or rather, the fact that she has managed to get nearly every single Dutchman and -woman to dislike her, fascinates me. I have done my research and am no longer completely in the dark as to why and how this situation has come to be, but I would still love to look her in the eye and hear her out. Over dinner, sure.

 

Mercedes Sosa

La negra, which translates to “the black woman”. To most of us, she would not be considered to be black at all. It is actually a very common nickname given to those  friends and family members in not-so-black circles that have slightly darker or thicker hair or a slightly darker skin.

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I have written about Mercedes Sosa in several of my music related blog posts. Her voice just never ceases to amaze me. The chills she manages to send down my spine, every. single. time. can not be ignored. I love her.

Her death was a slow process that happened in plain sight. She suffered from a parasitic disease called Chagas; every backpacker’s worst nightmare. As her body lost its strength so did her voice, all though she sang and recorded until the very end.

I don’t know what I would say to her if I had the chance to raise her from the dead and enjoy a meal with her. I would just want her to feel my appreciation for her. I don’t really know that much about her nor feel I need to. She is not even human to me. She is just that voice.

Yeah I know, sitting at a table with her would be super awkward…

So there you have it. Three dinners. Three women. Two dead. I’m ready!

Getting rid of the rooster

According to the Chinese calendar, we are currently wrapping up the year of the rooster.

Chinese zodiac rooster

I think following the Chinese calendar might be just what I need, considering the first few weeks of 2018 have been a little un-fun for me.

The first week was actually pretty OK. 2017 ended on a hopeful note, with my father recovering well from a stroke he had suffered in the late summer and my brother taking back control over his life by deciding to move back to where he grew up, in Ireland.

The idea was that he would re-connect with his younger self and the values he had been instilled with by his mother (we are step-siblings). It sounded like a good idea at the time and I was especially happy he was choosing where he wanted to go himself and going through all the motions (and paperwork) to make the move abroad possible.

Sadly, his addiction got the better of him quite quickly and quite heavily, causing him to be involved in an accident, probably caused by him (all though I’m not sure he sees it that way just yet). Any progress he had made in recent months was destroyed, and more, he has to face all sorts of financial, social and legal consequences. In short: stressful.

My brother called me a week or so after all this happened and confessed most of the story to me. He sounded angry, sad, disappointed and confused. Making excuses and simultaneously admitting and denying the one thing I have been waiting for him to say: I need help.

He asked me to not tell my parents about what had happened, but added “all though they expect me to fuck up anyway…”.

Drowning

Then, after not having heard from him for several days (and me not reaching out) an uncle of his called me and asked me how much I knew about my brother’s situation. After I told him what I knew, he asked when I had last heard from him, which turned out to be about the last time he had been in contact as well.

The additional info I got from his uncle: My brother had bought a crappy old car and told people around him he was heading back to the Netherlands to get professional help. The fact that he had not told anyone here that he was coming and the fact that nobody had heard from him in several days made all the alarms go off.

For the first time in my life I felt my heart quiver out of control, while sitting motionless on a chair. I sent him a message and went through every possible scenario. For about two hours, I thought my brother was probably dead….

brain puzzle

Even when he texted me back, my mind raced on. The reality of his re-existence suddenly felt more complicated than the momentary possibility that he might be gone forever. Needless to say, that realization made me feel horrible…

I felt guilty (which is one of my talents, I must admit).

  1. I felt guilty for feeling that nano-sliver of disappointment when he turned up.
  2. I felt guilty for not being able to run to his aid, but not really wanting to either.
  3. I felt guilty for forcing other (extremely sweet and good hearted) people to deal with him.
  4. I felt guilty for keeping it a secret from my parents.
  5. I felt guilty for telling my mother anyway, forcing her to lie to my dad and adding more things onto her list of things to lie awake over at night.
  6. I felt guilty for not offering up my house to my brother as a landing spot, when he let me know he might be coming back to the Netherlands.
  7. I felt guilty for implicitly asking my boyfriend to carry the load of my family drama.
  8. I felt guilty for hardly having the head space to listen to the answer to my “how was your day?”; especially when the answer was more complicated than “fine”.
  9. I felt guilty for emptying out my brain sewage on the laps of my favorite people in this world; people with so much empathy in their beautiful hearts that it is almost inevitable that my state of mind also affected them negatively.
  10. I felt guilty for losing control and not being able to fake it.

So, forget the Gregorian calendar. Enter Chinese year 4715! And the year of the dog is coming up. I like dogs. Dogs like me. I understand dogs. Dogs are fun. Dogs are goofy and bring out my inner clown (in a non psycho kind of way). This is good!

chinese zodiac dog 1

So, I’m gearing up my backpack for the adventures the year of the dog might throw at me and filling it with:

  • A compass, that points towards what is good for me.
  • My journal,
    • to be filled with small and frequent brain dumps, as to not fill up the brain buffer and empty out the cache.
    • to plan my life better and have (the possibility to create) more order in the chaos.
    • to keep the blog-juices flowing.
  • Scooby snacks, to keep myself and the dog smiling.
  • A lot of room for new experiences and lessons.

mindfuldog

What’s the opposite of a lullaby?

On dark days like these, we northern hemisphere dwellers can use all the help we can get when that alarm clock goes off in the morning.

All though I am actually very much a morning person, motivating myself to push back those warm blankets, leaving the world of dreams and pillows behind, is so much harder when the world is dark and cold. I like to take my time with that horizontal-to-vertical start up process.

My Wake-Up light helps me out by slowly lifting me out of my deepest sleep before setting in the bird sounds, signalling the moment I should really open my eyes.

My boyfriend needs some more persuading. For him, I have made a playlist of songs with uplifting melodies and lyrics. You know, the kind of songs that you can’t help but bob your head (or knees) along to? Those are the songs I want.

Our current list consists of about 15 tot 20 songs, but our personal favorites can probably be counted on the fingers of one hand, with Coldplay’s “Adventure of a Lifetime” lonely at the top.

This song is so catchy and positive and motivating and I don’t mind if it stays around in my head for the rest of the day. I mean, who doesn’t want to be encouraged to “turn their magic on” at the break of dawn?

Anyhow… As much as I love this song, I am always afraid of over-playing it and having its magic wear off.

So that’s why I am constantly looking for new songs to add to my “Wake up Songs”-playlist. And what better way to do this than to call on the wisdom of the WordPress oracle?

What song helps you open the curtains and makes you wanna dance around the room? Which song turns your magic on?